Growing up in Australia meant that in my house half your sentences came out in Italian and the other half came out in another form of English. There was some hot linguistic bastardization going on at my place and places like it.
As a little tacker, my allegiances were originally with nutella. I used to love that shit! I'm sure my mum used to buy it, not so much because she liked it herself, but because it was something that would keep my mouth shut most of the time.
But, as I grew older, I shifted my allegiance to Vegemite. That stuff was the bomb! I still eat it. I used to hate it when my dad spread it all over my bread though when he made me my school lunch. I've always been delicate. And I like a dollop of vegemite in the middle of my slice of bread, not all over it. I wanna savour it but I don't want to commit to it.
Anyway, although I'm a life long fan of Vegemite, I grew out of my obsession with Nutella. Here in Italy, when you go anywhere that sells pastries or little cakes, you can almost be assured that if the word chocolate is being used, they are referring to Nutella.
Melbourne, being a city of hipsters and professional culture appropriators, has cottoned on big time to Nutella in pastries. Doughnuts to be specific. Not far from where I grew up, there's been some major Nutella action that is pulling in the punters. Two particular places have become crack houses for Nutella addicts and are responsible for basically exhausting the stock of those big ass Nutella containers.
They've been reduced to using the domestic sized jars.
Oh Melbourne, you do first world problems so well that even Sydney is bracing itself for a Nutella craze and shortage.
I'm delighted by this of course. The makers of Nutella aren't going to be able to ship more content to Oz for a couple of weeks, so I've decided that my get rich quick scheme can finally kick in. I'm gonna black market that stuff single handedly and make millions!
If it doesn't make it through Australia's border patrol then, it's not so much a quarantine issue, but the fact that those sniffer dogs are just going to find all the Nutella I send over irresistable.
Send your requests to me via the contact page, and learn more about this horrible sociological turn of events here.