Europe is crying bitter tears at the moment. People are struggling to get in, people are being pushed out and it's become like a high school, except the cool crew are not the dominant faction. Instead, the nerds are the in crowd and get the final say about everything. And you can be sure they're making everyone and everything pay for their unpopularity.
You picked on them for too long, and now they have risen up! They whip out statements like austerity measures, close the borders: it's Italy's problem, and the tribe has spoken you need to leave the Euro. Not nice nerd behaviour!
Now, don't get me wrong as I've always been partial to the right kind of nerd action. I love me those arty nerds because I always wanted to be one myself but I just wasn't ever disciplined enough. But this coin gang that has its lunchtime meets in Brussels and Berlin... well I'm not a big fan of them.
A good nerd knows that they should use their power for good and not to make the world worse. They've faced such adversity in their own lives that good nerds know that taking it out on other minorities is a big no no. Yes I'm talking to you Merkel with your anti gay marriage talk and your bullying tactics alongside Schauble. You two Christians are doing my head in with your demonic destruction of Europe and my nerdy dream of it being a paradise of thinkers, artists and romantics.
Your [fiscal] paradise is [not for me].
But you can't bring me down and reduce me to your level! I know your game! You are trying to make this all a political thing. You want to be the political seat of power in Europe. And you've been succeeding. But what will your legacy be? And who else will step up after you with those snazzy two piece suits that you love so much? The answer doesn't matter. Because by the time your tenure is over, you'll have cooked the books but destroyed the international reputation of your country in the process.
But I will always find a way to love Germany because all I need to do is look at my own government in Australia to see how unrepresentative it is of the average person and of how much that government is about representing banks, churches and other vested interests.
So, I'm gonna do you nerds (yes you Angela, Wolfgang and your little lap dogs in Finland, Latvia etc) a solid. I'm gonna remind you that you are not in fact cool. You're the Abbott and co of Europe. And I feel I need to remind you that there were some super cool compatriots of yours that came out of Germany and basically made being German fashionable again.
Yes that's right. I'm talking the amazing Snap! They were the bomb. Rhythm Is A Dancer is a classic that brought the world together and made us understand that Germany wasn't just about bier, but it was about techno too.
Do you know how amazing the choreography in that video was? People were wearing shiny stuff all over the world at that time cos everybody wanted to be those people that nobody knew the names of. They wanted to be Germany! That is sovereignty! That is economic and social power! And The Power, that was the bomb too.
And even when Germany provided the fakery it was still amazing. Two words. Milli Vanilli. They single handedly made it possible to wear a tux jacket with lycra cycle shorts. And yes, they were about as fake and illegitimate as the Eurogroup and its questionable legality but, at least people could hum along to their songs and dress like them. They weren't just fashion forward. They were fashion.
Again, you didn't want to be them, you just wanted to be in a world that made being Milli Vanilli possible. And that was Germany!
So you see, coin nerds, you may never find your way into my Top 25 Most Played playlist (that is the organic product of my obsessiveness and my constant Reset Playcount action) but you could be using your power and high profile to do some good shit for Germany and the world and helping the world continue to love you, to admire you and respect you. To want to be you! Cos if you keep going the way you are, you're gonna have to give back more than a couple of Grammys and I'm gonna have to spin a way of saying that I wanted to be both Nana Maskouri and Yanni.
Help us all Germany.
Dave Di Vito
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Dave Di Vito is a writer, teacher and former curator.He's also the author of the Vinyl Tiger series and Replace The Sky.
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